OH! JOHN! YEEESSS!
by Kiki Cabou
Summary: The summary would be longer than the story.


TITLE: "OH! JOHN! YEEESSS!!!"  
  
AUTHOR: Kiki Cabou  
  
FEEDBACK: Nectar of the Gods. R/R or send it to kcabou@hotmail.com.  
  
SUMMARY: Would be longer than the story.  
  
RATING: I'll go with PG-13 for extremely suggestive dialogue.  
  
SPOILERS: None, really. You just have to know who's having a relationship with whom. In my mind, it's MSR, and DRR. This takes place in my little fantasy land where there are five leads and no death threats.  
  
CATEGORY: Vignette/Humor/DRR (implied)  
  
ARCHIVE: Wherever. Just let me know.  
  
NOTES: This features Mulder, Scully, Doggett, Reyes, and Skinner.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I disclaim nothing, Carter. It's MY turn to play now. You put that in your bong and smoke it. Bwa ha ha! … Okay, fine. They're not mine. But I wish they were.  
  
And away we go!  
  
*** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
"OH! JOHN! YEEESSS!!!"  
  
*** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
Mulder walked down the hallway to the basement office, whistling, followed by Scully. The first thing both of them noticed was their former boss, Walter Skinner, standing outside the door to the office. He looked dumbfounded --- so dumbfounded, in fact, that he wasn't moving.  
  
"Sir?" Mulder asked, starting to wonder. Scully looked perplexed.  
  
"Shh!" Skinner hissed, startling both of them.  
  
They all stood there and listened. There was definitely a moaning noise coming from inside the office. Upon closer inspection, it was a female voice. A little longer at the door, and it became clear that it was Monica Reyes.  
  
"Oh, John," she moaned with pleasure.  
  
Scully's eyes bugged out of her head. Mulder stifled a laugh. Skinner kept listening.  
  
"Oh, John!" she said, louder this time.  
  
Some furniture creaked inside.  
  
"'Ya liked that, huh?" came John Doggett's gravely voice.  
  
He was smiling as he said it. Scully was sure of that.  
  
"What the hell is going on in there?" she hissed at Mulder.  
  
They soon had an answer.  
  
"Oh, John, keep going! Don't stop! Ungghhh!!! Ohhh!"  
  
There was more creaking. Skinner was flushing crimson. And then it happened. The climax.  
  
"OH! JOHN! … YEEESSS!!!" Reyes shrieked, and then started panting.  
  
Doggett seemed to be taking this in stride, because his voice sounded absolutely natural. He was actually chuckling.  
  
"Okay, Mon, I think you've had enough. C'mon. We've gotta go make our report to Kersh."  
  
All three agents outside knew that this was their cue to run. After all, Doggett and Reyes had known each other for years. It was a perfectly natural progression of their relationship. But doing it in the building? And so loudly? Talk about begging to be caught. Nobody wanted to have to report them, though.  
  
But the door opened before any of them could escape. Reyes came out first, with a cat-that-ate-the-canary grin and sleepy eyes. Doggett followed her. They looked at the other three, who were all turning red.  
  
"'S goin' on?" Doggett asked, confused.  
  
"We, uh … That is … um," Skinner stuttered, sort of ashamed. "We heard it."  
  
Reyes, instead of being embarrassed, just nodded.  
  
"John is mighty good at it, sir."  
  
Skinner stared at her, bug-eyed, and tried to respond, but was cut off by Doggett.  
  
"Monica calls it Puppy Love," he said with a laugh. "Come to think of it, I think you could use a little, Assistant Director." He clapped Skinner on the shoulder in a friendly manner. "Come on in."  
  
"Wha-Wha-What?"  
  
"C'mon! I'll show you."  
  
"I don't think I want you *showing* me anything, Agent," Skinner said indignantly.  
  
"Oh, for godsakes, don't be such a baby. I'll be gentle, I promise," he said, and dragged an ashen-faced Skinner into the office. "Just can't let my secret technique out," he said, with a wink, and closed the door behind them.  
  
Mulder and Scully were stunned. Reyes stood there with them, and they all listened. There was a brief, incoherent argument behind the door. Moments later, Skinner's distinctive groan seeped out through the door, accompanied by more creaking furniture, and … was that a zipper?  
  
"Wow, Agent Doggett. … Unhh! … Oh, yeah. Like that. Just like that. Keep it going. Yeah. … Yeah! … Damn, you really know what you're doing! … Ohhh. Man, that feels good. … Can you do that sliding/pinching thing again? … OH!!"  
  
A bit later, Skinner walked out, looking as relaxed and full of pleasure as Agent Reyes. He turned to Scully as Doggett poked his head out the door.  
  
"Scully, you've got to try it," he said. "I mean, he's fantastic. And doing two in a row … What stamina! And he's got great technique."  
  
Scully looked at him, half curious, half disgusted.  
  
"The only way Scully's going in there is over my dead body!" Mulder interjected angrily.  
  
"Mulder," Scully warned. "Calm down. If anything happens that I don't like, I'll leave immediately."  
  
That seemed to soothe his ire a little bit, so she walked in after Doggett. Again, he shut the door. Again, there was the shuffling of furniture and groaning and moaning.  
  
"Oh! … Oh, my. … Ohhhh. Oh, yes. Yes. Gimme everything you've got, John. Yeah. Yeah! That's the spot! Right there! Oh, wow! Keep it coming. Yes … Yes … YES!!! UNGH!!!"  
  
After a few seconds, Scully stumbled out, her clothes a bit askew, and looking nearly as dazed as Monica. She walked right over to Mulder and put a hand on his chest.  
  
"Mulder. Get. In. There. Now. That's a direct order."  
  
She walked over to join Skinner and Reyes, looking a bit like a zombie. Mulder looked toward the door. Doggett motioned to him with a curling finger. He gulped.  
  
"C'mon, Mulder. I ain't gonna hurtcha."  
  
"That's what they all say," he said, and then muttered under his breath, "In prison."  
  
He tried to walk the other way, but Scully stopped him with The Look. Resigned to his fate, whatever it was, he stiffened his shoulders, turned the other way, and walked in. Doggett closed the door behind them. The other three listened outside.  
  
"Uh, shouldn't we be laying down for this?" came Mulder's voice, which had developed a squeak.  
  
"The hell you talkin' about?" was the reply. "Siddown."  
  
There was the creak of butt hitting chair. A bit later, the moaning and groaning started.  
  
"Oh. That feels good. … Jeez, Scully wasn't kidding. … Oh, yeah. Work that finger. … Right there. That's it. … Hmmmmmm. OH!"  
  
"Don't jerk your head up like that, you idiot. It tenses all the muscles."  
  
"Which just gives you another opportunity to work your way in … a-ha-ha- HAA! There. Right there. That's it. Push, man, c'mon. Harder. Harder!"  
  
Doggett was panting. "A man gets tired, you know."  
  
"You? *pant* Never."  
  
A few seconds went by. There was a sigh of relief from both of them.  
  
"Okay, buddy, you're done."  
  
"Wow. You're good. You're DAMN good. I never knew this could be so much fun. Thanks, Doggett. I owe 'ya one."  
  
"I'll hold you to that."  
  
"Don't worry. I don't break promises easily."  
  
The door opened and both men came out. Mulder now looked just as relaxed and happy as the other three. Doggett began to put on his coat.  
  
"It's official," Mulder announced to everybody. "John Doggett gives the best shoulder massages this side of Pluto."  
  
END. 


End file.
